When you help out with things, don’t act like you expect something in return or complain about the work. That’s likely to lead to hard feelings and make the gesture seem less special. For example, you might say, “Hey, you’ve been working hard all day. Why don’t you let me cook dinner tonight?”
The gifts you get will feel more meaningful if they connect to who she is as a person or what makes your relationship special. For example, you might print out and frame a nice picture of the two of you or buy her a mug with her favorite quote on it. When you give her the gift, say something like, “I saw this and thought of you!”
For example, you might have dinner and a movie, go for a walk together, or just hang out at home together and play video games. Take turns choosing what you do during your time together. Letting her call the shots sometimes will show that you value her wants and needs.
Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship for many couples, but try to incorporate physical touch that isn’t sexual. Your girlfriend will likely feel more comfortable—and enjoy your intimate moments more—if your kisses and hugs don’t always come with strings attached![5] X Research source
Try a classic “I love you,” or say other things to let her know how you feel about her. For example, “You brighten my whole day,” or “I’m so happy when we’re together. ” You can also try giving her compliments, like, “You were awesome in class today!” or “Your eyes are just so gorgeous. ” Use words to express gratitude or appreciation, too. Say things like, “Thanks so much for coming to my recital. You’re the best!”
If she asks you to keep something in confidence, don’t tell anyone else without her permission! Being honest doesn’t mean being rude or unkind. Don’t say things that are unnecessarily harsh or mean and try to write it off as “brutal honesty” or “tough love. ”[7] X Research source
Not yelling at your girlfriend, calling her names, or talking down to her. Treating her as an equal. Respecting her wishes if she asks you to stop doing something. Standing up for her if you see other people being disrespectful. Giving her space and allowing her to have time to herself or with other friends.
Be her cheerleader when she’s going through challenges. Congratulate her and tell her how proud you are when she accomplishes her goals. When she’s having a tough time, be there to support her with both words and actions. Ask her if there’s anything you can do to help.
Put your phone away when she talks to you. Make eye contact, nod, and use verbal cues (like “Uh huh,” or “I see”) to let her know you are listening. Ask questions or rephrase what she says to make sure you understand. Resist the urge to offer advice unless she asks for it. Likewise, don’t be afraid to open up to her and talk about your own feelings. She’ll understand where you’re coming from better if you’re willing to be vulnerable.
When you apologize, take full responsibility for your own feelings and actions. Don’t use language that puts the blame on your girlfriend. For example, don’t say things like, “I’m sorry you’re so upset, but I wouldn’t have yelled if you weren’t always late. ” Instead, try something like, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I was frustrated, but that wasn’t a good way for me to react. ” If you do want to address your girlfriend’s behavior, use “I” language that focuses on how you feel instead of sounding accusatory. For example, “When you’re late, I feel like my time isn’t that important to you. ”
For example, if your girlfriend says she enjoys playing video games, ask her about her favorites. See if she’s interested in playing games with you. If she likes to write, ask if you can read some of her work.
“What would you like to do today?” “Is there anything I can do to help?” “Do you want to talk about it?” “Are you having fun?”
Don’t assume your girlfriend knows what you’re thinking or feeling, either. If something’s on your mind, open up to her in a loving and respectful way. For example, don’t assume she enjoys watching romance movies just because it’s “a girl thing. ” You might find out that her ideal date is going to the zoo or doing a game night at the pub, instead. Don’t just assume she’s happy in the relationship, either. Check in with her occasionally and ask for feedback. For example, you might say, “Hey, would you like it if we went out for dinner more often?”
For example, if you both like sports, you might go to games together. Studies show that the happiest relationships are those where the couple takes time to play and have fun together![16] X Research source
For example, you might travel to a new place together, take a class together on a topic you’re both curious about, or pick up a new mutual hobby.
Likewise, introduce your girlfriend to your own friends and family. Try to include her sometimes when you spend time with them.
Don’t worry about making your surprise elaborate. It could be something as simple as leaving a little love note somewhere for her to find.
