Too many commitments or distractions: Juggling too many tasks at the same time can make it difficult to succeed at any of them. Your schedule may need reshuffling. Trouble getting organized or focused: If you don’t have a set schedule, you may have a hard time getting started (or finished). This can lead to rush jobs and too much stress. Anxiety: Stressing too much about school can lead to procrastination and avoidance. Depression: Depression, an illness that involves low mood and fatigue, can make it difficult to get anything done. Untreated learning disabilities: Dyslexia (trouble with reading), dyscalculia (trouble with math), nonverbal learning disability (trouble with math and other subjects but not language), and ADHD (trouble with attention and organization) may impact your school performance, especially if you haven’t been diagnosed and/or aren’t getting adequate support.
“I know that this grade is lower than we expected and that you’re disappointed. " “It must be frustrating to see me keep bringing home bad grades no matter how many times you tell me to study. " “I know it must be worrisome to see my grades sliding like this. "
“I’m frustrated with my grades too. I keep studying and then doing badly and it really upsets me. " “I’m disappointed too. I really hoped I’d do better on that exam. " “I see my grades getting worse and I feel awful. " “When I got my exam back, seeing that grade felt like a kick in the stomach. I want to make things better and I’m struggling to figure out how. "
“I think I’m having trouble getting organized. I could really use some help with that. " “I think I need a better study schedule. I know that’s my responsibility. Could you give me some advice?” “I studied for hours and I still did badly. I’m disappointed and confused. Maybe I need tutoring. " “I’m overwhelmed by my to-do list. I’m so exhausted from school, babysitting, and extracurriculars that it’s hard to do my homework on top of all that. I think I need to quit a few things so I can do better academically. " “I think I’m taking too many advanced courses. If I switch to a few easier classes next semester, I can focus better on what really counts. " “I feel so sad and tired all the time. It’s hard to find the energy to do anything. Maybe a doctor would know how to fix it. "
“Mom, you talk about how hard you studied to get your master’s degree. Could you and I put together a document of study tips that I can work on following?” “I think I could study better if I weren’t interrupted so often. I’d like to put a sign on my door when I study. Can you help make sure that my siblings leave me alone when I need to focus?” “Maybe I’ll be less tempted to goof off on my phone if other people can see me. Perhaps it’s silly, but could I study in the kitchen while you cook? I think it might help. " “Would you be willing to help me set up a doctor appointment so we can see what’s wrong and get it fixed?”
Don’t add fuel to the fire. Shouting back or trying to defend yourself is likely to make it get worse and last longer. Instead, take some deep breaths and quiet down. Remember that this is not your fault. You are doing your best and you tried to have a calm discussion. You don’t deserve to be yelled at or called names because you messed up. (Nobody does. ) Try leaving if you can. See if you can say something like “I’m going to head to my room and study” or “I’m going to take a walk to clear my head. "
Ask questions in class. You can even stop by after class to ask the teacher something. See if your school has a tutoring center where you can learn. Try forming a study group with other people in your class. Ask a family member to help you if they have a good understanding of the subject. Consider looking up tutorials on YouTube, learning sites like Khan Academy, and other educational websites. Some of these are even made by professionals.
Being too busy: Quit extracurricular activities that aren’t worth it. Cut back on social media time. (Set alarms if needed. ) Talk to parents about your responsibilities at home if they’re hindering your schoolwork. Prioritize schoolwork before fun stuff and set time limits on study breaks. Trouble getting organized or started: Work on following a set schedule. You can even ask your parents for help or advice if you think they could be helpful. Try to be brave and start early (even if it’s a small start) so you have more time. Anxiety, depression, or illness: Get a doctor appointment as soon as possible. The right treatment can help you feel more like you used to before the illness. You may also need to find ways to put yourself under less pressure. Learning disabilities: Talk to a doctor or counselor about what’s happening. Experts have seen this type of thing tons of times before and they can have really good advice. They can also get you accommodations in school that help get you on equal footing with other students.
Eat on a regular schedule. Never skip meals. Even a small breakfast is better than no breakfast. Set yourself a bedtime. Use alarms or app blockers if you need help sticking to it at night. Try to wake up about the same time each day. Your body does best on a predictable schedule. If you’re finding it hard to wake up in the morning, then you probably aren’t going to bed early enough. Stay active. Take walks or do your favorite type of exercise.
Put your phone away or use an anti-distraction app to help. Make sure that you have water and a healthy snack (like apple slices or celery with peanut butter) nearby. Put a few fidget toys on your desk if you’re fidgety. Play some of your favorite music without lyrics.
Setting a time limit on your study breaks (like 15 minutes or 30 minutes) can help you enjoy the time without feeling guilty. This is designated fun time. It’s okay to delay or skip a study break if you’re in the zone. Just tell yourself that you owe yourself a good break later.
Try planning a small reward for yourself after you’ve done your daily studying.
Instead of “I’m stupid,” try “Everyone makes mistakes sometimes” or “this isn’t coming easily to me. " Instead of “I’m lazy,” try “I’m struggling” or “I’m still working on getting a good routine. " Instead of “I’m bad at this,” try “this is a difficult subject” or “it’s natural to struggle with new concepts. "
“Knowing math will help me understand advanced programming concepts. " “A home economics class will help me gain independence skills so I can be independent and save enough money to finally get my own dog. " “While biology isn’t my field of choice, it’ll be good for me to understand how my body and the world around me works. " “I won’t do art professionally, but I think it would make a nice hobby and it wouldn’t hurt to get better at it. I can use these skills to have fun. " “It’s true that calculus won’t help me when I’m a psychologist. But studying this will sharpen my mind and help me be smarter, which is always useful. " “This class may not be very useful to me in the future, but earning a good grade will look good on my transcript and help me get into the engineering school of my choice. "
Try to tell yourself “I’ll procrastinate tomorrow. "
Being hard-working is more important than being smart. Intelligent people make lots of mistakes. That’s how they learn. If you’re making mistakes, it’s a good sign that you’re challenging yourself and getting smarter. If you’re struggling with a task, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It’s probably a difficult task. (Or maybe you need a break or a different approach. )
