It could be absolutely anything - from the fact that there’s a thirty year age gap between you, to the fact that they’re gay, to the fact that you could never truly love someone who has a tattoo of a Celtic cross on their left bicep. Be brutally honest with yourself - your heart will thank you for it in the long run. Tell yourself that he/she isn’t the nicest person and they don’t deserve you.
True love requires reciprocation, it requires spending time with the person and getting to know all of their individual quirks and flaws. [1] X Expert Source Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFPClinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Expert Interview. 19 August 2020. If you haven’t experienced this, then it’s more likely that you’re more in love with the idea of the person, than with the person themselves. If you can persuade yourself that what you’re feeling isn’t really love - in the true sense of the word - then you will find it a lot easier to move on.
If, however, the person you love is your best friend’s girlfriend, your English teacher, or, say, Leonardo DiCaprio, then you should probably just cut your losses and move on. It’s never going to happen. This may be harsh, but the sooner you accept the truth, the easier it will be for you to move on.
You know that male friend that’s always offering to carry your books for you? Or that girl who looks you directly in the eyes and smiles every time she passes by? Focus on him/her. Even if you don’t develop any romantic engagements immediately, it’s always good to put yourself out there and endeavor to meet new people.
Try using positive affirmations to remind yourself of how awesome you are. Look in the mirror and repeat five times “I am an amazing person who deserves to be loved”. You may feel silly at first, but sooner or later it will start to sink in.
Try to handle your grief in a healthy way. Don’t shut down your emotions or bottle things up. It’s okay to cry. Try taking out your frustrations on a punching bag at the gym or curl up on the couch with your favorite movie and a tub of ice cream. Whatever makes you feel good.
Remove the person’s number from your phone. This will remove the temptation to text or call, especially when you are feeling particularly vulnerable and might say something you regret. Avoid going to places where you think you might run in to the person. Seeing them will stir up feelings and memories which might overwhelm you. Cut off contact on social media. Unfriend them on Facebook and unfollow them on Twitter. It doesn’t have to be permanent, but it will be helpful at first. It’s difficult to move on when you’re obsessing over status updates.
Make sure you talk to someone you can trust, and go somewhere private to talk. You don’t want your innermost thoughts and feelings getting back to your ex. Don’t overdo it. Most people will be sympathetic and willing to listen at first, but if you continue to mope for weeks on end you will soon start to sound like a broken record and wear on people’s patience.
Try keeping a journal to track how you’re feeling each day. When you look back at what you’ve written in a couple of months time, you’ll be amazed at how far you’ve come. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be over your ex or to start dating someone new within a certain time-frame. You’ll know when you’re ready.
If you’re having trouble falling asleep, try to give yourself an hour to wind down before bed. Have a relaxing bubble bath or read a book. Drink a hot cocoa or chamomile tea. Stay away from television and electronics - these will stimulate brain function, rather than slow it down. After a good night’s sleep you will feel refreshed and energized - ready to take on the day. You will also look fresher and more attractive and be able to concentrate better throughout the day.
Just 30 minutes of exercise a few times a week will release the endorphins necessary to create feelings of happiness and euphoria. In fact, studies have shown that exercise can even alleviate symptoms among the clinically depressed. [8] X Research source Try exercising outdoors to soak up some fresh air and Vitamin D - you’ll feel happier and less stressed instantly! Exercise will help boost your self-confidence at a time when you probably need it the most. Regardless of weight, size, gender, or age, exercise can quickly elevate a person’s perception of his or her attractiveness and self-worth. [8] X Research source
Create a calm and peaceful atmosphere. Choose a location where you won’t be interrupted. Turn off your phone. Choose music and lighting that you find calming and relaxing. Set up your props. Yoga mats or cushions can help to make you more comfortable while you meditate. Having a small fountain with running water nearby can be very soothing. Light some candles to scent the air or simply “set the mood. " Wear comfortable clothing. You’ll find it hard to relax your mind and forget about the world around you if you’re feeling uncomfortable. Sit in a cross-legged position. Keep your back as straight as possible, don’t slump. Close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. Breath naturally, preferably through the nostrils. Attempt to clear your mind of all thoughts, focus solely on your breathing. Gradually your distracting thoughts will subside and you will experience a sense of inner peace and relaxation. [10] X Research source
Also try writing a letter to yourself about why the relationship wouldn’t have worked, regardless of who ended it. (Don’t just remember the good times; remember the bad ones, too. ) If you’re more creatively inclined, try turning your thoughts and emotions into poetry or song lyrics. Some of the best art has sprung from a broken heart.
If you’ve just come out of a long-term relationship, make sure to take things slow, rebound relationships rarely work out. If you start dating too soon, you’ll end up comparing your new love interest to your ex, which isn’t fair to him or her. Enter your new relationship with hope and optimism - and who knows? They might just be “the one. "
