Listen to the tone in her voice or any changes in how she communicates with you. For example, if she usually texts you back right away but doesn’t respond to messages whenever you mention meeting her mom, maybe you need to slow down the pace. Additionally, watch her nonverbal cues to help you understand what she’s feeling. For example, she may be pulling away from you and refusing to make eye contact if she’s upset. Do not ask her friends if they know what’s wrong. It could backfire if they tell her and she interprets it as you going behind her back!
For example, call her and say, “Hi Ally. Do you think you could come over to my house tomorrow after school for like an hour?”
You could say, “I feel some distance in our relationship and it worries me. Have I done something to upset you?” or “Has something been bothering you lately?”
Say, “I noticed that you’ve been really quiet the last few times that we’ve hung out. Is something wrong?” or “I feel like you’re not that into me anymore. Have your feelings changed?”
You can also lean in slightly or hold her hand to show you’re completely focused on her. Avoid negative signals, like looking away, pursing your lips, or furrowing your brow.
For instance if she says, “I’m just a little frustrated because we never get to spend time alone,” you could respond with, “I didn’t realize it bothered you that we do stuff with our friends so often. Do you want to set aside a few nights a week just for us?”
Don’t be afraid to be the first to apologize, even if you don’t think you’re in the wrong. In some cases, you may have done something to hurt her without realizing it or intending to hurt her. It’s important to recognize how she feels and show her that you didn’t mean to hurt her. For instance, if she is upset that you don’t get to see each other very often, you could say, “I’m really sorry, Shelley. I’ve been so busy with school and baseball practice that I haven’t gotten to hang out with you much lately. ”
Understand that compromise involves sacrifice and that you won’t always get your way. Remember that she’s giving up things, too, and that there’s no “winning” or “losing. " For instance, if she’s upset that your friend is always hanging out at your place, say “I understand you don’t want Chris with us all the time. But he’s also my best friend and struggling with some personal stuff right now so I don’t want to just cut him off completely. How do you feel about letting him hang out with us 2 night a week from now on?” Keep in mind that some problems can’t be resolved and there’s a possibility that your relationship may end. While this is difficult to face, it may turn out to be for best in the long run.
For example, try things like, “I am strong” or “I can handle whatever comes my way!” Keep them on a note-taking app on your phone or set your phone’s wallpaper as one of the mantras to keep as a reminder. Remember that part of what makes a happy couple is if both people are confident and like themselves first. Insecurity isn’t attractive and it can sabotage a relationship.
Quality time means your attention is focused on her, not on another activity, such as gaming. If you’re constantly doing other things when you could be with your girlfriend, you’ll send the message that she isn’t that important to you. Keep a balance between spending time with your girlfriend, your friends, and your family.
For example, you could say something like, “Wow, that new dress looks great on you,” or, “I love that we can have deep conversations. ” If you give her compliments she doesn’t hear often, they will likely mean more to her and will show her you’re paying attention. You might say, “I like the way you always make the barista smile when you’re giving your order,” or “I’m really impressed that you read so many books last month. " Avoid giving your girlfriend too much mindless praise, or it could come off sounding forced and eventually lose its meaning. Always be sincere.
Keep up with what’s going on in her life to show her that you care enough to remember things. She’ll be thrilled to hear, “Did you get that internship you wanted?” or “How did your test go?” after a difficult exam.
Other gift ideas that won’t break the bank include a candle in a scent she loves, a framed picture of the two of you, a fancy pen if she likes to write, a succulent or single flower, a funky pair of socks, or a new pin for her backpack or purse. An experience that the 2 of you can do together, like going on a camping trip or taking her to see her favorite band in concert, also make great gifts.
You don’t have to spend a lot of money to be romantic. Make her dinner, take her somewhere to see the stars, or stroll through town hand-in-hand. She’ll appreciate spending time with you regardless of what you’re doing.
Similarly, don’t let your personal hygiene fall by the wayside once you have a girlfriend. Groom yourself regularly and go the extra mile for date nights, if you can – get a haircut or style your hair, wear a nice outfit, and put on some cologne.
Never expect sex from your girlfriend. Respect that if she says no to something, she means no.
