You might say, “We never have conversations about the future and it makes me doubt your feelings for me. ”
You might ask something like, “I need to hear that I’m your top priority. Can you tell me please?” Be cautious of too much reassurance-seeking as it can make you appear clingy to your partner.
For instance, if you feel doubt because your partner keeps putting off important conversations about the future, have a candid talk about that and find a middle ground. If doubt rears its head after a nasty fight, try going to couples therapy and learning better conflict resolution skills. Talk to each other about how you like to share and receive love. For example, some people like to do things for the person they love to show how they feel, while others like to shower their partner with compliments and declarations of love. Since it’s normal for people to have a different “love language,” it’s important to know how both of you show love so that there aren’t misunderstandings.
Compare your schedules and pinpoint a few days or nights per week that you can spend time together one-on-one. Make the most of quality time by silencing your phones and letting others know it’s couple time.
Express gratitude when your partner does something that makes you feel reassured without you asking. For example, “I appreciated that you texted me when you were going to be late. It reassured me that you’d still make it and that I am important to you. "
For instance, if your doubt grows when your partner fails to pick up a phone call, reframe it: they might be in a meeting or taking a shower. A missed phone call doesn’t necessarily mean they are up to no good.
Read a book, knit a sweater, or go for a run.
Maybe your doubts grew after seeing your partner flirting with another person. Can you find any other examples that made you feel uneasy about your partner’s “wandering eye?”
Healthy relationships don’t involve undue control, deception, infidelity or abuse. Doubts may also be deal-breakers if you have them because your partner doesn’t support your values. If they can’t respect what’s most important to you, then it may not be the best relationship for you.
You may choose to see a therapist on your own first before bringing your partner to a session. Ask your family doctor or human resources rep for a referral to see a therapist in your network.
If your self-worth is heavily connected to the health of your relationship, you could experience doubt even during common challenges. You can battle this by building up your self-esteem.
When these feelings arise, notice them but let them be. Take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Don’t try to change the thoughts or act on them. Just sit with them. Perform mindfulness daily and you’ll start to feel more in control and less bothered by these worrisome doubts.
Sometimes, your loved ones may offer advice that is well-meaning, but biased or self-serving. Reflect on how you feel with your partner and what you see in their behavior before allowing others’ perspectives to feed your doubt. Be wary of taking advice or discussing your relationship with people who are overly judgmental or critical. Choose open-minded and supportive confidantes.
For example, if you think, “He should answer the phone whenever I call,” you may be inadvertently making yourself angry if your partner is busy when you call. Don’t say “She must be spending Saturday with someone else” simply because your girlfriend didn’t try to make plans with you.
