If you’re having a hard time being objective, get a friend to help you. [2] X Research source Read over this list often. You could even carry it with you in case you need to refer to it at school or work.
For example, get comfortable saying “no” if someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do. If you need to, practice saying “no” in front of a mirror so you can get used to what it feels like. Use “I” statements to express feelings instead of bottling them up. For example, you might say, “I feel overwhelmed when you speak to me that way” or “I disagree with that. ”[3] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Don’t feel guilty about your passivity. There are many known structural psychological adaptations people make in the face of chronic abuse, and sometimes being more submissive was the only way for victims to minimize the damage the abuser might otherwise create. [4] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 Aug 2020.
For example, tell others that you need more time or support to complete a difficult task. You might say to your boss, “I’m making good progress on this project but I need more time” or “I really need another person to help me research this. ” For example, if someone asks, “Would you like blue or yellow?” you can say, “I’d prefer the blue one, thanks” instead of automatically saying, “I don’t care” or “It doesn’t matter to me. ”
You didn’t do anything to cause the abuse. The only person to blame is your abuser. You did the best you could in a difficult situation. Imagine you got into a car crash. When you talked about it with other people you would say how awful it was that you got T-boned, but you wouldn’t blame yourself for the situation. In the same way, you can acknowledge the harmful consequences of your abuse without believing it was really your fault. [7] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 Aug 2020.
For example, if you’re given a special project to work on, you may think, “I’m not competent enough” or “I’m going to fail. ” Stop and ask yourself why you believe those things. Your teacher/manager clearly believes you can handle the project, so why are you assuming you can’t? If you tell yourself you never do anything right, ask yourself if that’s actually true. If you forgot your phone/keys/wallet, you aren’t stupid. Everyone does that sometimes.
For example, if you frequently feel anxious, repeat affirmations like, “I can handle this situation” and “I’m a strong person. ” If you often find yourself criticizing your looks, repeat affirmations like “I’m an attractive person inside and out” and “I’m unique and beautiful. ” Alternatively, leave post-it notes with these positive statements where you can see them, like on the bathroom mirror, to plant them in your mind. Low self-esteem may have been a really good tool to minimize what could have been worse treatment from your abuser. Don’t see your low self-esteem as a character or personal deficit—it’s a credit to what you were able to do in order to survive. [10] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 Aug 2020.
Try journaling for 10-20 minutes every day to make it a habit. You don’t have to stick to just writing in your journal. Try sketching or creating bullet point lists if that feels more natural to you.
Include big and small things on your list. For example, you might write down, “exercising,” “reading,” “gardening,” “sight-seeing,” “hanging out with friends,” “watching movies,” and “traveling. ” Aim to dedicate at least 10 minutes a day to some kind of pleasurable activity.
For example, consider trying photography, singing, or painting. See if there are any free community programs you can check out or look into reasonably-priced classes at a nearby community college.
Try to find a quiet space to practice mindfulness. Sit in a relaxed position and focus on your breathing. Count the inhales and exhales. Allow your mind to wander and take note of what you are feeling. Don’t judge your thoughts! Just be aware of them. [13] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Research shows that mindfulness techniques can help you break negative thought patterns. [14] X Research source
If you’re pretty out of shape, start with small goals like walking around the block once a day. Work up to bigger exercise goals like getting a gym membership or swimming at the local pool. [16] X Research source Try to incorporate more fresh fruits and vegetables into your diet. Try to limit sweets, junk food, and animal fats.
For example, call up a childhood friend or reach out to them on social media to catch up. Take your friends up on that invitation to go bowling. Sign up for a class or join a club to meet new people with similar interests.
Don’t waste your time on people who make you feel bad about yourself or treat you poorly. [19] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Research shows that positive relationships build self-esteem by creating a positive feedback loop that continually accumulates. [20] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
If you prefer connecting online, check out social media groups like DomesticShelters. org’s Victims and Survivors Community on Facebook: https://www. facebook. com/groups/domesticshelterscommunity
If you’re using alcohol or drugs to help you cope with your past, you’re not alone. Many survivors self-medicate, but this is a dangerous path. You deserve to heal from your trauma rather than just numbing yourself to it. Reach out to a doctor, mental health professional, or local mental health association as soon as you can for help. [23] X Research source
To speak with a live person right now, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. Text TALK to 741-741 to communicate with a trained counselor from the Crisis Text Line. [24] X Trustworthy Source American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Health organization devoted to saving lives and helping those affected by suicide. Go to source You can also try Break the Silence’s survivor helpline by dialing 855-287-1777.
