For example, if you lost a loved one because you were emotionally vacant, try to spend less time in the office and more time at home. Or, for example, the fact that your current partner does not do something that made you end a previous relationship should be comforting.
What kinds of things might cause you to lose respect for your partner? Drinking habits, money management, treatment of friends? Are these areas where you already have issues with your partner? Think about the history of your relationship with your partner. How has your partner dealt with conflict or other issues thus far? Can your partner’s behavior give you clues about past, current, and future respect, flexibility, and compromise?
Note that all relationships acquire constraints over time. Think about whether the constraints outweigh your personal dedication to the relationship. [5] X Research source If you feel your constraints have increased but your personal dedication has decreased, consider if there are ways to reduce your feelings of constraint and increase your personal dedication. [6] X Research source
Invest in your relationship. Remember that difficult periods are temporary. Put in the work to struggle through the hard times with your partner (inevitably there will be some) to emerge a stronger couple. Good times will return. [8] X Research source Avoid scorekeeping. You may feel that you are doing more in your relationship; this is because you don’t know everything your partner does throughout the day, you only know all the things you have done. Instead of keeping score to determine who loves whom more, focus on the good things your partner does and think about what you can do to make your partner happy. [9] X Research source Don’t “hedge your bets. " Don’t hold back from your partner because you’re afraid things won’t work out. Trying to protect yourself in this way may hurt your relationship, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Assume that things are going to work out and be open and honest with your partner and work hard to strengthen your relationship. [10] X Research source
If you are scared of losing your individuality or changing, remind yourself that everyone is changing, constantly. Staying unmarried will not keep the earth from spinning. Also, it’s not like you lose all agency when you get married. [11] X Research source If you are afraid of getting divorced eventually, think about the stigma attached to divorce. Is it warranted? Even if you still think so, remember that your future is not determined by marriage or divorce statistics, and you can hold on to a marriage if you put work into it.
If you have experienced a betrayal by someone you loved or trusted, you may not have healed. [13] X Research source This betrayal could have come in the form of abuse, an affair, or another devastating violation of your trust, which may have been traumatic. [14] X Research source In addition, you may be afraid of being responsible for another person, or of losing your independence, or afraid of losing the other person, which may all relate to feeling unable to trust. [15] X Research source
As you learn about these qualities, you and your partner will build trust not on the idea that you will never hurt each other (because, unfortunately, that will happen), but on the understanding of who you and your partner truly are. [19] X Research source Instead of promising to keep your “shadow” side always at bay, promise that you will be aware of and express when you are hurt. Promise to work together to address the situation and use it to strengthen your relationship. [20] X Research source
Try yoga or meditation. These exercises are designed to help you stop dwelling on your anxieties. Drink less coffee and alcohol. These are drugs that can affect your mood as well as your brain chemistry. If you are feeling high-strung because of marriage anxiety, decrease your consumption of coffee and alcohol. Get enough sleep and exercise. These are essential to your physical and emotional health, and help you reduce your fears and anxieties.
Work on building a relationship with your partner that helps you handle sources of stress and angst. In doing so you also create a built-in defense mechanism in your marriage.
Ask friends, family, or a doctor for a referral to a licensed marriage and family therapist, or search online. Your place of worship may also offer (or require) premarital counseling or courses. [24] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
