Instead of unfriending them on Facebook, consider unfollowing them so you no longer see their posts in your news feed.
Remember, don’t be mean or abrupt with them. You’re not trying to hurt their feelings here, so just keep it light and say things like “I’m sorry, I’ve really got to run!” If you’re uncomfortable pretending to be busy when your friend calls, then GET busy. Join a club or activity that interests you but not your friend. You can meet new people this way and have legitimate reasons for being too busy to hang out. Spend time with other friends, reconnect with family, or even venture out on your own. [2] X Expert Source Katie StyzekProfessional School Counselor Expert Interview. 28 October 2020.
If they want to chat with you for hours about their partner, try to find a way to avoid the conversation, or keep it really short. You can tell them you’re busy and can’t talk, or that you only have about five minutes to talk before you have to be somewhere else.
If the person is in your life 24/7 (you have every class together, hang out in the same group, and involved in the same activities), you probably want to try the gradual approach. Telling them point-blank that you don’t want to be friends when they’re this entangled in your life will probably make a huge mess. If the friendship seems to be on its way out anyway (like if neither one of you seems to be able to find time for each other), just let it fade out on its own. It’s not necessary to tell them you no longer want to be friends. Don’t cut them off completely with no explanation. Gradually withdrawing from a friendship is different from “ghosting,” which means you ignore their attempts to reach out to you and basically pretend you don’t know them. This is hurtful, confusing, and will probably lead to some drama. Be aware that this method can still cause hurt feelings. Even if you don’t tell the person “I don’t want to be your friend anymore,” they will probably figure it out and feel confused and upset.
You may want to discuss what to say with another close friend, sibling, or parent. This is fine, and probably a good idea, just make sure it’s someone you trust to keep things quiet. If they hears from someone else that you don’t want to be their friend—or worse, a few other people—it’s going to be very hurtful.
Choose someplace quiet and relatively private so they can react without embarrassment (there may be tears). The lunchroom is not the place for this discussion. It’s much too easy to misinterpret a letter or email, so try to talk to them in person or at least over the phone. Plus, there’s always a chance they could show your private letter to other people. Try to be nice but stand firm. Don’t say, “Hey, you’ve turned into a jerk and our friendship is over. ” Try something like, “Our friendship has become a really negative force in my life, and I think it’s best if we stop being friends. ”
Your friend may feel terrible about how they acted and want to try to save the friendship. If you are willing, you two might be able to talk it out. If your friend tries to bait you into a fight, don’t do it. Don’t involve yourself in a big, dramatic scene. Even if they’re calling you names, don’t retaliate. Stay with them until they’re okay. Your friend may take this very hard, and you may need to stay by their side until they regain their composure enough to leave on their own.
If your friend gets nasty, spreading rumors or gossiping about you on social media, try not to engage. There’s no point in dragging things out or defending yourself to someone you don’t even want to be friends with anymore. But most importantly don’t do the same to them. If you talk behind somebody’s back, word will most definitely come out. [4] X Research source If anything, it shows that you made the right decision.
Don’t do the look-of-death thing or straight-up ignore them. Just give them a small smile or nod of acknowledgment and move along. If they talk to you, turn it into a friendly conversation that won’t lead into getting closer. Try to keep talks short until they catch on to your disinterest in the conversation.
Try not to get upset if some of your mutual friends feel they need to take sides. This may happen, and it’s going to hurt, but those people are petty and looking for drama, and you don’t need them in your life.
Clearly defining the reasons you want to end the relationship will help you feel confident in your decision and communicate clearly with your friend. It will help you experience closure, a sense that you did what was best for your wellbeing. [7] X Research source Remember that growing apart from people is okay and natural—it doesn’t make either of you bad people.
Are you considering ending the friendship because they forgot to attend an important event or because they said something rude about your significant other? Unless this is part of a larger pattern of behavior, letting them know they hurt you may be enough to fix your friendship. If you feel bored by the friendship or dread spending time with them, it may mean your connection has faded. [8] X Research source If you find you have little in common—you struggle to find things to do together or even things to talk about—then the friendship may have simply run its course. [9] X Research source Are they a compassionate, thoughtful friend who sometimes flakes out on your plans or is always late? Think about whether or not your issues are things you can address with them to save the friendship. [10] X Research source Is your friend is socially anxious, shy, or inept? Do you perhaps see a pathway for being someone who can guide your friend through these troubles?
Do you only hear from them when they need something? Do they use you as a therapist but never return the favor, or ask you to do their homework assignments for them? Do they only focus on the negative things in life? Consider whether or not this is situational—maybe they’re just having a rough patch. But if it’s a pattern of behavior, they might be an unhealthy person to be around. [12] X Research source Are they extremely competitive? Do they tend to pick fights with you? Are they excessively clingy and too demanding? These are all signs of a toxic friendship. [13] X Research source Are they doing things that get you into trouble? If your friend is stealing, hurting people, or generally being bad news, and you seem to get dragged into it, then it’s probably not your destiny to “fix” things here. Look after your needs first in this instance. Think about how you feel after you spend time with them. If, more often than not, you end up feeling bad about yourself, it’s probably not a healthy relationship. [14] X Research source
In a private setting, let your friend know their behavior is endangering your friendship. Tell them, “It really bothers me when you flirt with my significant other. ” or “Hey, it’s really hard for me to hang out with you when you’re always really late. Can you make more of an effort to be on time?” Ending a friendship without giving the person an opportunity to change can be very traumatic. If this person is a good friend, it’s probably worth addressing the problems before you decide to cut the cord. [16] X Research source
