You may think it was your fault you were abused, raped, attacked, or the victim of a crime. You may dissect everything you’ve done and find ways you messed up. Stop doing this. If you were abused, raped, attacked, or the victim of a crime, that was not your fault.
First, you should acknowledge the emotions. Close your eyes and imagine all the emotions you feel, even if they are uncomfortable or hurt you. Give them names, like guilt, fear, or anger. After you’ve acknowledged them, tell yourself that they are only emotions and hold no power over you. Then, imagine that you are letting them go one by one. You may imagine they are balloons that you release and watch go away or wisps of smoke that you watch disappear. Be aware that negative emotions are often stored in the body, so it is important to use relaxation techniques to relieve yourself. [3] X Research source For example, you can try using progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, or meditation for 15 minutes or more daily.
For example, feelings of helplessness, shame, or guilt are normal responses. Avoid suppressing or ignoring negative emotions because this can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms and health problems. That is why it is important to accept your emotions and deal with them. [5] X Research source
When you have a thought blaming yourself, like “I deserved it,” “I should have paid more attention,” or “Maybe it was what I was wearing,” you should figure out why you think that. Did it just come to you randomly, or did someone or something you read make you think it? Tell yourself, “This thought is wrong. The abuse/rape/crime was the choice of the attacker. They made the choice to hurt me. I am not at fault. ”
If you are in an abusive situation, you may want to contact emergency services, the police, or a domestic violence agency in your area.
It may be difficult to let go of someone you care about, especially in this difficult time. However, your emotional and mental health is more important. If a person is being toxic to you, they are not worth it. You deserve supportive, healthy people around you.
Cut off contact with the person who abused or hurt you. If you have to see them, do it in a neutral location and take a trusted friend or family member with you. Stick to your boundaries. Remember that your mental health is important and that you don’t have to please others.
Tell your story to someone you trust. If you feel like it, tell your story to multiple people you trust. As you tell the story, place the blame on the correct person and not you. This may be the abuser, the rapist, or the criminal.
Make a list of things that you enjoy doing. This can give you something concrete to follow if you can’t come with any ideas. Add new things you’d like to try onto the list. Trying new things can help you move forward as you recover. For example, you may take up gardening, take a class, join a gym, learn to play an instrument, volunteer, or start cooking again.
Try volunteering for a local organization or an animal shelter. You may want to plant trees or help with a food drive or food bank. You can also help in small ways, like giving blood or donating money to a charity.
You may say, “I appreciate that you believe me and don’t blame me for what happened. I would like to talk about what happened to me. I think it will help me stop blaming myself. ”
Look for a counselor in your area who specializes in victim blaming or trauma. Be sure to seek professional help if you start experiencing secondary affects from the abuse, such as isolation, self-harm, and depression.
Look online or contact a local hospital to find support groups in your area. You may consider an online support group if you don’t feel like going to one in person.
