The benefit of using affection as a reward is that it is free and immediate, so you can use it as a reward as soon as your child does something good. Displaying affection toward your child can also help them get used to displaying affection in public and get comfortable with being social and affectionate with others.
For example, your child may love to spend time with you in the kitchen. You may then reward their good behavior by allowing them to help you prepare a batch of cookies or add decorations to a cake. This will allow you both to spend quality time together and create something you can both enjoy.
For example, maybe your child enjoys going to the movies. You may then reward their good behavior by taking them to the latest movie for kids, a movie date for just the two of you.
You may set a time limit for this reward, such as giving your child one extra hour of play time at a friend’s house or allow your child to sleep over for one night at a friend’s house. This way, you still have control of the reward but your child is still able to benefit from it.
Keep in mind there is some debate around using food as a form of material praise. Some child specialist argue that using food to praise your child can lead to an unhealthy relationship with food in the future and undermine your child’s healthy eating habits. Allowing your child to have a special, unhealthy meal can lead to confusion around when eating unhealthy food is appropriate. Your child may associate unhealthy food with good behavior and positive self-esteem. [9] X Trustworthy Source University of Rochester Medical Center Leading academic medical center in the U. S. focused on clinical care and research Go to source Though you can use food as a form of reward, try to use it sparingly. Often, social rewards and verbal praise can be more effective and healthy for your child than material rewards, like food.
You may give your child pencils, pens, and notepads that they can use in school. Or, you may give your child stickers to decorate their notebooks and their lunch box. Your child may also have specific school supplies in mind, which you can then buy for them as a reward for good behavior.
For example, maybe your child is really into a certain video game. You may then get your child a video game made by the same company or designer, or a doll version of their favorite video game hero. If your child is into other hobbies, like painting, you may get them a set of paint brushes or a new canvas.
You may start the allowance by giving your child a small amount of money based on how old they are, such as $1 for each year old. So, a seven year old would get $7 in allowance. The idea is to give your child enough allowance to get one or two things they want but not too much, as you want your child to decide what to spend their money on and to spend it wisely. Start by giving your child real cash so they can hold the physical money and learn how to count it. Then, as they get older and hit adolescence, you can give them virtual money, which they can manage through an allowance App on their phone or on the computer. Once your child is a teenager, they may be ready for getting their allowance through a bank account.
You may also ask your child questions as a form of praise to get them to self-evaluate. For example, you may ask, “How do you like your painting?” or “Are you happy with how that piece fits into the game?” You should also try to encourage your child to reflect on their decisions and choices. You may ask, “How do you feel about the picture you drew?” or “Did you enjoy telling that story in class?” This will help to build your child’s self-esteem and strengthen your relationship with them.
For example, you may complement your child’s behavior by saying, “I love the colors you picked!” or “I really enjoyed how you performed that dance!”. Do this instead of saying “what a good dancer you are!” or “gosh, you’re a great dancer”. “I” statements will make your praise more specific to your child and show your child how you express your feelings and thoughts in a positive way. You should also avoid generalizing statements like, “Good girl for sharing your pencils!” or “You are a good boy for staying quiet in class today. ” Instead, you can say, “Thanks for sharing with your friend today, I think he appreciated it. ”
For example, your child may have made you a birthday card. Rather than say, “What a great card you have made me!”, you should be specific and tell your child what elements you liked in the card. Maybe you complement their choice of color, their penmanship, or their sweet message inside the card.
There has been some criticism of the use of a rewards chart to track a child’s behavior. Some studies have shown that offering up tangible rewards for behavior can actually make your child view good behavior as transactional. Your child may only be motivated to do well for a reward and get upset when they are not rewarded every time they act. [16] X Research source
If you have multiple children in one household, you should also use different rewards for each child. No two children are alike and each child may respond differently to different rewards. Try to fit the reward to the child’s personality and demeanor.
Older children may respond better to more accumulative rewards, such as an allowance or extra time doing something they enjoy. Adolescents and teenagers also start to see the value in social rewards, such as quality time with friends or quality time with parents.
For example, maybe you expect your child to help set the table for dinner every night. You may model this behavior by helping them set the table at first and then over time, give them the responsibility to do it on their own. You should then praise your child when they set the table without you asking, reinforcing their good behavior. This will allow you to set your child up to succeed and then praise them when they fulfill your reasonable expectations.
