For example, asking a four year old to sit still for ten minutes while getting their hair cut might be reasonable. Asking the same four year old to sit still for thirty minutes while you wait on your food is probably unrealistic. If you are going somewhere that requires a particular standard of behavior that your child is not ready to meet, you should consider getting a babysitter for the event.
For example, if you are going through the grocery store checkout, it might be better to choose the self checkout lane that doesn’t have candy at your child’s eye level. This will remove the temptation for them to grab the candy.
For example, if you decide that you are going to the grocery store to get milk and cereal, you could let your child pick the kind of cereal they want to have. You can even limit some choices to let your child pick between things that you present them. In the case of cereal, you could offer to let them choose Cheerios or Raisin Bran if you wanted to avoid chocolate or fruity cereals that are packed with sugar.
Have them repeat this back to you so that it sticks. This will give them a sense of control and something to look forward to.
For example, you should tell your children something like “At the store, I expect you to use your inside voice and walk beside me,” instead of a vague statement like “I expect you to be good at the store. ” You might interpret both of those sentences to mean the same thing, but your child doesn’t understand what “good” is unless you tell them how to be “good. ”
For example, if you have set the expectation that your child will alongside you in the store, you can tell them something like “Your arm should always be able to touch me or the cart. If you can’t reach me or the cart, then you are too far away and should come closer. ” This lets the child gauge their distance in a way that they can understand instead of an abstract “Stay beside me. ” You can also roleplay with your child before going somewhere. This way, they get practice meeting your expectations and feel confident when they are put in a public situation. For example, you could practice things like saying “thank you” when someone gives them something. [9] X Research source
For example, if your child has strayed a little too far from the cart, you could say something like “Watch me. I can touch the cart. Can you touch the cart?” This will usually prompt them to come back to where they can touch the cart.
For example, you might say something like “Do you remember when we talked earlier? You told me you would stay close enough to touch the cart. I expect you to come back so that you can keep that promise. ”
For example, you could pull your child aside to an empty aisle in the store and explain that their behavior is making it difficult to finish the grocery trip. You could say something like “You agreed to stay close enough to touch the cart while we were shopping. If you can’t do that anymore, we will have to end our trip early. This means that you will not get a chance to pick out your cereal. ”
For example, you might ask your children questions like “What was your favorite part of the movie?” Then you can follow it up with a statement like “I was very proud that you sat quietly like we discussed. ”
You could reinforce good behaviors by saying things like “I was so proud that you stayed close enough to reach the cart through the whole trip. Thank you for doing what we talked about. ”
A good example of this would be to say something like “I was disappointed that you weren’t able to walk beside me in the store. It’s too bad that we couldn’t stay long enough to let you choose a cereal. Maybe next time we can do better and have time to get cereal. ”
