“Hey, it’s James. We met at Jiyoung’s party!” “Hi, this is Tory from Bend Burgers the other night. ” “Hey, I’m Taylor. I don’t think we’ve met IRL, but we have like 15 mutual friends. ”
If you discover that you both like running, message her something like, “Hey! I see you’re a runner, too. What are your favorite running routes?” or “Have you ever considered training for a marathon?” If you both like reading, ask her, “Who’s your favorite author?” or “What did you think of the movie version of that book?” If it’s a really quirky interest, ask her how she first got involved with it and compare stories!
“Have you seen the latest season of Mad Men? Who’s your favorite character?” “Have you heard Daft Punk’s new album? What did you think? “Have you seen the latest Tarantino film? I heard it’s fantastic!”
If you’re both taking the same exam, you could say something like “I’m dreading the math final next week. I suck at algebra! How are you feeling about it?” If you’re having a conversation about music, you could mention an upcoming festival. Say something like “Are you going to Coachella this year? I went with a bunch of friends last year, we had a blast! What bands are you hoping to see?” If you’re coming up on a holiday, you could say something like “I can’t wait for Halloween next week. My friend is having a house party and I’ve got a great werewolf costume planned. Are you doing anything fun?”
In any situation, try a straightforward introduction. For example: “Hi, my name is Bob. What’s your name?” In a bar, you can offer to buy the girl a drink. For example: “Hi, my name is Joe. Can I buy you a drink?”
A simple “How are you doing today?” never fails. Make sure to listen to her answer, it’s not supposed to be a rhetorical question! Ask her “How was your day today? Did you do anything fun?” This prompts her to give more than a one word answer and gives you a chance to show off those amazing listening skills.
Turn it into a question, rather than a statement. Say something like “Beautiful day out today, isn’t it?” or “I hope this rain eases off soon, don’t you?” This gives her the opportunity to respond. If you’re not a fan of the weather approach, try another safe topic. For instance, you can try commenting on the atmosphere around you. In a bar, you could say something like “Wow, it’s crowded in here tonight, isn’t it?”
If you take a class together, ask her what she thinks of it, whether she likes the professor, or if she’s interested in whatever you’re studying right now. Say something like “Have you seen the essay topics for next semester? Do you know which topic you’re going to write on?” If you work together, ask her if she’s working on any interesting projects right now.
Try telling her “You have a great smile, there’s something infectious about it!” Or say “That’s a cute dress, red really suits you. "
Try saying something like “I’ve heard you’re good friends with Allison. How do you two know each other?” Or “Oh so you know Dan? We go way back! He’s hilarious, isn’t he?”
If you realize that you both grew up in a small town, you could say something like “No way! Me too! It was a super tight-knit community and everyone was really friendly. What was it like for you?” If you both worked on volunteer projects you could say something like “I thought it was a really rewarding experience. What inspired you to get involved?”
Try something like “If you could be an animal, what type of animal would you be?” Or something like “What are the top five places you want to visit in your life?” Or maybe “What did you want to be when you were younger?”
Keep it positive! Don’t ask her what her greatest fear or biggest secret is, ask her about her hopes for the future or where she sees herself in ten years. Leave it up to her whether she wants to answer seriously or keep it light-hearted. Try asking her about her family, start with something simple and non-invasive like “Do you have any brothers or sisters?” If you want to find out if she’s single, simply ask her “Are you seeing anybody right now?”
Keep your body language open and inviting. Maintain good eye contact and smile! Lightly touch her hand or arm as you’re talking to her. Touch can help create intimacy and move you out of the friend zone. Avoid negative body language like crossing your arms, scowling or looking down.
You can use close-ended questions in the very, very beginning of the conversation if you want to make it easier for her to respond. For instance, you could ask, “Is it your first time here?”
