Reduce the time that you spend with people who are harmful to you, even if they don’t mean to be. If you must spend time around someone who is hurting your self-esteem or making you feel powerless, make sure your meetings always have a time cap.
Sometimes it’s difficult to make new friends and meet people, especially in later years when you’re no longer in school. Joining clubs, taking classes, or spending time in a favorite hangout are good ways to meet people. Practice being more generous with your time and saying “yes” when you’re invited to do something. If you feel you never have enough time to give new relationships, they won’t grow.
For example, you could offer a compliment to a stranger such as, “I love your dress! It is so beautiful. ” Look for ways to show kindness in whatever situation you are in. Even something as simple as smiling and nodding at people throughout the day might help to brighten someone’s day and help you to feel more fulfilled.
When did you first notice your emptiness? How long has it been there? How old is your emptiness? What emotions do you experience when you are feeling empty? Are you prone to feeling empty during certain times or in certain places? What do you notice about your environment when you are feeling most empty? What kind of thoughts do you have when you are feeling empty?
Persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, or “emptiness” Feeling hopeless or pessimistic Feeling guilty, worthless, or helpless Unusual irritability or restlessness Changes in your mood or behavior Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy Fatigue Changes to sleep habits Changes to your weight Thoughts of harm to yourself or others Aches and pains that do not appear to get better with treatment
While many people believe there are “five stages” of grief, this is actually a misconception. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s “five stages” – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – refer to her work on death and dying in 1969. However, Kübler-Ross used these stages to describe a person’s feelings regarding his or her own death; they are not a scientific framework for all grief. [18] X Research source You may experience all, some, or none of these stages, and that is okay – your grief is uniquely your own, and each person mourns differently. [19] X Research source
been in a situation where you ended up using more of the substance than you intended to? tried unsuccessfully to cut down on using the substance? spent a lot of time using or trying to obtain the substance? experienced cravings to use the substance? had to use much more of the substance to get the same effect as when you first started using it? experienced withdrawal symptoms such as trouble sleeping, shakiness, clammy skin, irritability, depression, anxiety, nausea, or sweating? experienced the substance interfering in your daily life or responsibilities? continued to use the substance even if it was causing trouble for family or friends? stopped participating in things you used to enjoy in order to use the substance? used the substance in dangerous situations, such as driving or operating machinery? Addiction has a strong hereditary component. For example, relatives of people who have alcohol abuse problems are more likely to experience addiction issues themselves, independent of whether they even knew each other. If you are struggling with a dependence on drugs and/or alcohol, talk to your therapist about this problem. You may need to be treated for addiction in order to stop feeling empty. [23] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School’s Educational Site for the Public Go to source
You make extreme efforts to avoid abandonment, which may be real or imagined. You often believe that you will be abandoned or separated from a loved one. You react negatively, such as becoming extremely angry or fearful, even when the separation is temporary (such as your spouse going to work). You are very afraid of being alone. You alternate between idealizing and demonizing people you have been in relationships with. People with BPD often begin relationships by putting the other person on a pedestal, seeing them as perfect or ideal. After some time, you begin to think the other person does not care enough about you or contribute enough the relationship. Your relationships are commonly unstable. You have an unstable sense of your own identity. People with BPD struggle with maintaining a stable sense of themselves, their identity, and their self-image. You are very reckless or impulsive. This is especially true of self-harming. You may do reckless things such as drunk driving, gambling, substance abuse, or risky sexual behavior. You frequently consider self-harming and make suicidal threats. You may harm yourself through things such as cutting, scratching, or burning. Or you may threaten to hurt yourself to gain attention from others. You often experience extreme mood swings. These moods shift frequently and are often very intense, such as moving from joy to despair. You experience chronic feelings of emptiness. You may often feel empty or bored, or like you need something to do. You have trouble controlling your anger. Many things are likely to provoke your anger, and you respond with outbursts that may include bitterness, sarcasm, or verbal outbursts. You are particularly likely to be angry if you believe someone is uncaring toward you. You sometimes feel paranoid about others, or don’t feel as though your environment is “real. ”
Notice how you are feeling in the moment. Do you feel any sense of emptiness or lack, such as a lack of worthiness, clarity, understanding, or a lack of peace or love? Accept that you have emptiness in the moment. Notice how you experience emptiness. Where do you feel the emptiness in your body? How much space does it take up? Consider your emptiness. Does it bring up memories from the past? What emotions are present as you notice your emptiness?
Treatment for depression is often two-pronged, using psychotherapy and, if necessary, prescription medication such as SSRIs (Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro) or SNRIs (Effexor, Cymbalta). Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and interpersonal therapy (IPT) are both effective at treating depression. CBT teaches you how to identify and reduce unhelpful patterns of negative thinking and learn ways to think productively and helpfully. IPT focuses on helping you work through relationships that may be causing you problems. [29] X Trustworthy Source National Institute of Mental Health Informational website from U. S. government focused on the understanding and treatment of mental illness. Go to source Several types of psychotherapy are helpful to work through grief, although complicated grief treatment (CGT) appears to work best for people who have struggled with grief for a long time. [30] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Treatment for alcohol and substance use disorders often focuses on individual and group counseling but may also include medication if necessary. CBT is commonly used to treat alcohol use disorder. [31] X Trustworthy Source Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration U. S. government agency whose mission is to reduce the impact of substance abuse and mental illness on America’s communities. Go to source Treatment for BPD is psychotherapy using Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). DBT focuses on learning to identify and regulate your emotions, tolerate stress, apply mindfulness, and interact with others in a healthy, productive way. You will learn ways to cope with your emotions, as well as social skills to help you interact with others.
Look at, name, and touch 5 different objects, noticing each object’s color, texture, temperature, and weight. Look at, taste, and smell foods during dinner or pleasant floral scents during a walk, noticing their colors, texture, taste, and aroma. Close your eyes and listen for different sounds. Notice their tempo, strength, and volume. Mindfulness meditation has also been shown to be very helpful. The Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA has several online guided meditations in MP3 form. You can find their list of free guided meditations at http://marc. ucla. edu/body. cfm?id=22.
For example, if getting up and going to school or work every day is what’s getting you down, figure out a way to make the situation more interesting. Start a new extracurricular activity to help yourself get excited to go to school, or volunteer to work on a new project at work. Try doing something slightly outside your comfort zone. Making improvements in a new area will give you something interesting to think about and help you build up your confidence. Even small changes can end up making a big difference. Try out a dish from a cuisine that’s new to you, bike to work instead of driving, or start doing yoga in the morning before school. Changing your personal environment can also help. Replace drab curtains in your bedroom with something brighter, paint the walls a new color, get rid of clutter, and introduce some interesting artwork.
If you’re in school, consider whether you are studying what you want to study, or what your parents want you to study. Other outside pressures can also have a negative effect on the decisions we make. Decide if you are doing what you really want to do, or if you are doing something that will look impressive to others. If you determine that there are forces or people preventing your life from being self-directed, take steps to change your situation. Once you have more control over things, you might see the feeling of emptiness subside.
Practice gratitude. Taking a few moments each day to think about what you are grateful for and why can help make your life feel more meaningful. [37] X Research source You can speak or even write down your gratitude to reinforce it. For example, you might say or write, “I am so thankful the sun is out today; it’s beautiful!” or “I am so thankful for my caring family; they make me feel so special. ” Don’t deny yourself your favorite foods. If you love chocolate, have some! You don’t have to go overboard, but give yourself permission to enjoy a little every day. Go outside and breathe fresh air. Research has shown that spending time outside makes people feel more alive and energetic. [38] X Research source Spend some time outside every single day, rain or shine. Focus on breathing in fresh air and noticing the natural world in a deeper way. Take time to make your world richer and more pleasant. Turn seemingly trivial tasks into positive rituals. Sit down and read the newspaper while you’re drinking your morning coffee or tea instead of dashing out the door. Take a long, hot bath on the weekend instead of a shower. Keep your home environment pleasant. Fold your laundry neatly before putting it away. Wash the dinner dishes before you go to bed. Make your bed in the morning. Air your home out by opening the windows and letting some light and wind inside. Don’t neglect to do spring cleaning. Maybe you feel you don’t have time for all this, or that it doesn’t matter, but when your home feels fresh and clean, the mundane parts of life are easier to bear.
Aim for 30 minutes of exercise per day. Eat a balanced diet of healthy whole foods like fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Get 8 hours of sleep per night. Set aside at least 15 minutes per day to practice yoga, do deep breathing exercises, or meditate.
Identify the two people you most admire. Which of their qualities make you admire them and why? If your house was on fire, and you could only save 3 things, which would you choose and why? What topics or events get you fired up? What about these topics are important to you? Why? Identify a moment when you felt fulfilled and content. What about that moment made you feel fulfilled? Why?
For example, if you chose to bring a favorite book, a family heirloom, and a gift from your best friend, you might say that this means you value intelligence, loyalty, and friendship. Therefore, a few of your qualities might be that you are intelligent, loyal, and a good friend.
For example, if you have “Community” as a value, you could volunteer for your neighborhood watch, serve as a tutor at your school, or work at a soup kitchen. If you have “Faith” as a value, you could look for ways to incorporate your faith into more areas of your life, such as going on a mission trip or visiting your church, temple, mosque, or another place of worship more regularly. By living a “value-congruent” life (meaning the choices you make and your life path align with your values), you are more likely to feel fulfilled and happy. [43] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
