Instead, you may want to focus on trends in people’s behavior and the role of addiction in smoking. Point out that smoking rates have steadily been going down over the past several decades, and that many people have successfully quit. Since many people start smoking to feel like they are part of a group, knowing that their behavior is increasingly uncommon may encourage them to quit. Pointing out that smoking is an addiction may help your boyfriend realize that he does not have control over his life. This probably does not appeal to him, so he may try to quit in order to be more autonomous.
Your boyfriend may have an indirect way of indicating that he wants to talk about quitting. Pay attention to the topics he brings up—advice from a doctor, a family member who is pregnant, someone else who quit—to find an opening. [2] X Research source Ultimately, you have to wait for him to be ready to quit. If he’s not ready, no set of facts or pill is going to be convincing enough. It could help to encourage him to see a counselor—this can help him work through the underlying reasons or barriers that keep him from quitting.
You: I read in an article today that the city is banning smoking in restaurants. Him: That’s good. I hate eating when my food tastes smoky. You: I’m surprised to hear you say that. Will it be difficult for you to go that long without smoking? Him: No, I’ve actually been trying to cut down. You: Really? How can I help you do that?
The nudge method works like this: tell your boyfriend to open a savings account into which he’ll deposit the money he would otherwise spend on cigarettes. (A jar on the kitchen counter works, too. ) At the end of a predetermined period, ask him if he has smoked. If he hasn’t, he gets the money. If he has, the money has to be deposited to charity. Some versions of this method include the requirement that the charity be for a cause your boyfriend does not support! If he has a friend who is also trying to quit (or if you are), they can make it into a competition. Whoever goes longer without smoking gets to keep the money, and whoever gives in first has to donate to a charity of the winner’s choice.
You: Why did you start smoking? Him: Because the older kids at school did. You: What about now? There aren’t any older kids around. Him: I guess it just became a habit. You: Did you think you would smoke forever? Him: No, but quitting always seemed too hard. You: You can do it! Do you want me to help you come up with a plan?
Hard candy to suck on Straws to chew on Cut up fruits and veggies
Anxiety Depression Irritability Weight gain
Don’t keep lighters or ash trays in your home, either—this will just remind your boyfriend of what he’s avoiding. [16] X Trustworthy Source American Cancer Society Nonprofit devoted to promoting cancer research, education, and support Go to source
Think about whether his smoking outweighs all of his other good qualities. Most people have serious flaws, and some experts suggest that having dealbreakers is not really conducive to happiness. [17] X Research source The exception here is a serious moral or ethical shortcoming. Smoking does not really fall into this category, but it can prevent a long and healthy life. If losing your boyfriend to health problems down the road sounds too painful, smoking might just be too much for your relationship to overcome. If his smoking is a dealbreaker, he needs to be aware of it. It’s not fair giving him an ultimatum he doesn’t know about. Tell him that you cannot be with a smoker, but that you are confident he can quit and want to help him do so.
