People who can’t speak can be of any intelligence level. Body language does not relate to intelligence either. Looking away while listening, and fidgeting constantly, are typical autistic traits. Don’t assume that this means they aren’t paying close attention, or that they can’t understand.
For example, if your friend asks “Where’s the thing?” then ask questions about what type of thing they mean (a little thing? what color? a cell phone?). Sometimes, they might be searching for a word. For example, if they’re asking about food, and there are many types of food, then start narrowing it down. Maybe they’re saying “food” when they want to ask about strawberries.
If you want to know how to handle a specific situation, ask them. For example, “I notice that sometimes when we meet new people, they have a hard time understanding you, and you can be left out. How do you want me to handle this?”
A useful phrase is “I’m having trouble understanding you, but I care about what you’re saying. " If verbal communication is too hard, try texting, typing on a tablet, writing, using sign language (if you know it), or another form of alternative communication. Work with them to figure out what is best.
For example, instead of saying “I bet she likes ice cream,” say “I bet you like ice cream. "
Save the baby talk for actual babies. Don’t scold them for doing things like swearing or watching scary movies if you allow their same-age peers to do those things without commenting on it.
You can support their skills without lying. For example, you could say “I love seeing the way you smile when you sing” or “your drawing is so colorful!” Save the baby talk for actual babies.
Don’t try to stop them from doing harmless-but-odd things. These things may be crucial for them to stay calm and relate to the world. If they are causing harm (like hurting someone or invading personal space), nicely ask them to do something different, like “I don’t want people playing with my hair. Could you play with your own hair instead?”
This is good practice in general too. Non-disabled people don’t enjoy wading through extremely long sentences either. If you catch yourself rambling or losing them, stop. Try to summarize the main point of what you mean.
It can also be helpful to talk in quieter places, with fewer distractions, especially if the person seems bothered by environmental noises.
Baby talk may be appropriate for a disabled 3-year-old, but not a disabled 13-year-old or 33-year-old. Don’t fake an excited or cheerful voice if that’s not actually how you feel. Not everyone appreciates “the voice” because it can make them feel like they’re being babied.
Remember that they may have different listening body language than you do. If you aren’t sure whether they’re paying attention, watch to see if they react to what you say (e. g. giggling when you compliment them, asking questions) or just ask them.
Ask questions about what they think, and take time to listen to what they say, even if you have to ask them to repeat themselves. Validate their feelings to help them feel cared about and understood.
If the disabled person does something that upsets you, communicate it calmly and clearly. Try using “I” language in the template “When you ______, I feel _____” or “Please stop ____. " Take some quiet time. If you need to speak to them to address the issue, wait until you are able to handle it with a level head. They won’t be able to listen well if they are scared or confused by your strong emotions.
If you find yourself feeling too frustrated, disengage. Go for a walk, do something else, or say “I need some alone time for a little while. "
