For instance, they might be going through a rough spot, juggling a lot of responsibilities, or trying to cover up insecurities. Try saying, “I don’t want you to think I’m judging you. It’s easy to overlook the good things in life, especially if you have a lot going on. You have a lot to be grateful for, and I just want to help you recognize that. ”
Tell them, “Gratitude can help you notice the good things in your life, but that doesn’t mean you should overlook the bad. You can also appreciate the lessons you learned from hardships or the people that helped you overcome them. ”
For instance, it’s easy to overlook things like having air to breathe, the feeling of the sun on a warm spring day, having food and shelter, and the sound of your favorite song or musical instrument. Try saying, “It’s really easy to get caught up and forget about basic things that make our lives worth living. When I’m feeling down, I try to think about how great it is that I can take a bubble bath at the end of a long day, or how much I love taking a drive and singing along to my favorite songs. ”
Cultivating gratitude isn’t just about listing everything that’s good in your life. The key is to acknowledge that your life wouldn’t be the same without the person or thing you appreciate.
Experiencing nature can foster a sense of gratitude for the countless ways the planet sustains life. If they dislike the outdoors, you could take them to one of their favorite indoor locations. For instance, if they’re a foodie, go to a restaurant they’ve been dying to try. If they love art, spend an afternoon at a gallery or museum.
For example, they might say, “Everything seemed to go wrong today. I locked myself out of my house, made a major mistake at work, and broke my cell phone. ” In response, you could say, “That was definitely rough, but at least you got through it! Good thing you gave your sister a spare key and she could help you. You can afford a new phone, and now you have an excuse to treat yourself. As for work, sure, you might need to learn from your slip-up, but I know you’ll get past it. ” If the person is not willing to see the reasons for gratitude in specific or small scale things, then encourage them to look at the big picture, such as the fact that they are alive and how that in itself is a gift.
For example, suppose they suffered an injury that resulted in a lifelong disability. They can be grateful that they survived the injury, appreciate their loved ones who help them with daily tasks, and have faith that adapting to their disability will make them a stronger person.
Suggest that they think or say something like, “I am so fortunate to have people who love me, that I’ve slept in a warm bed, and that I didn’t go to bed hungry. No matter what happens today, my life is filled with goodness. ” You might also recommend a gratitude app, such as Insight Timer, to help make it easier for the person to practice gratitude meditation.
Let them know that they can use a pen and paper or electronic device. Tell them to use whichever method they prefer. They could make a list of 5 to 10 things they appreciate about their day, or they could write a paragraph-long reflection about a single event. [11] X Research source Mention that specific descriptions, like “An old friend gave me a call today and it was wonderful to reconnect,” are more effective than vague ones, like “I’m grateful for my friends. ”
When they’re feeling down, suggest that they reach into the jar and read a few notes.
They could also make sketches of specific interactions that made them grateful, like their neighbor bringing them soup when they were sick, their plant that started blossoming, or of the the sun coming out after a week of clouds and rain.
If noting qualities that you appreciate about each other seems awkward, you could express your gratitude indirectly by reminiscing about your friendship. You could send each other regular “throwback” texts or emails, like, “Remember when we went to that concert and you got to go up on stage?” or “The funniest picture of us came up on my social media memories today. We’ve had so many great times!”
Suggest that they look the person in the eye and thank them sincerely instead of responding automatically to be polite.
For example, they could write to a friend, “You’re such a dedicated, hard-working person. You’ve always been such a great influence on me, and you inspire me to pursue my goals. ”
For people that live far away, they could also read their note over the phone.
If they’re not in a relationship, let them know that expressing gratitude regularly can help strengthen friendships, too.
For example, they could give a coffee mug to a friend to thank them for helping them through a breakup. Or, they could give a small potted plant to a coworker for helping them to complete a project.
