Smile and say thank you. Express gratitude that the other person thought of you in that way, but clearly state that although you appreciate it, you aren’t interested. For example, try saying something simple like, “Thanks, I’m really flattered that you asked me out, but I’m not interested in you in that way. " Remember—it’s not the end of the world if the other person ends up with their feelings hurt. What matters is that you’re speaking honestly without being malicious.
The more you say, the more false it will feel to the other person, and the more it prolongs an already awkward conversation.
If it seems appropriate, try using a little humor. At the very least, offer a sincere smile and excuse yourself. Make a quick exit. Continuing the conversation or hanging around after the deed is done can be confusing and unpleasant for the other person. [5] X Research source You might want to keep the conversation going in an effort to try to act normal and make the other person feel better about the rejection, but the kindest thing to do is end the encounter as soon as possible.
It can make it difficult for the other person to move on if they don’t receive a firm and clear “no” from you, so the kindest thing you can do is provide that to them. [9] X Research source It may sting a little at first, but in the long run you’ll both be happier for it.
In a 2012 study, researchers identified seven breakup strategies and then asked people to rate them from most to least ideal. “Ghosting” was overwhelmingly identified as the least ideal way to break it off with someone. [11] X Research source
The blow of rejection is softened by the neutrality of a text and allows the person to nurse their momentarily bruised ego in private. There is no reason to make physical contact with someone you don’t know well just to turn them down. [12] X Research source In some cases, such as when it comes to being approached online or by someone you work with that you rarely see and hardly know, even an email will suffice as a rejection.
Delivering the news in person allows the other person to see your facial expressions/body language and hear the tone of your voice. [13] X Research source
An ambiguous reaction from you could make the person feel like they still have a chance, which wastes their time and isn’t fair to them. It also increases the likelihood that you’ll need to repeat this awkward conversation with them in the future.
Negative body language, like slumping or not looking them in the eye, indicates a lack of confidence in your own words. [16] X Research source
Don’t re-initiate communication unless you’re really interested. It can be tempting to reach out to someone who you’ve turned down in the past, especially if you are going through a rough patch yourself. Unless you are truly interested in the person, there is no need to call, text, or even be Facebook friends with them. The infamous drunk dial (or text) is a common way people end up re-initiating contact. A momentary lapse of judgement on your end can cause a lot of confusion and despair for someone else. You’ll also be putting yourself in the position to have to reject them again.
If you truly do want to remain friends, give the person some space after you reject them. [19] X Research source Give them a chance to get past their bruised ego and embarrassment. It’s possible that the other person may not feel capable of being friends because of their romantic feelings for you. If that’s the case, you will have to respect that.
Expressing guilt openly can really confuse the other person. If you are giving them an honest answer, apologies aren’t necessary. If anything, you’re doing that person a favor by toughening them up for a future rejection.
