Memorization and practice can help you get the most out of the abilities you have, and may get you through some good verbal exchanges here and there. Like artists in other fields, though, the masters of witty comebacks seem to have an innate gift to pair with their demeanor and preparation.
Practice focusing on what is being said instead of letting your mind wander off trying to formulate comebacks. Try practice activities like “verbal volleyball,” in which you and a partner take turns inventing a story one word at a time – they say a word, you listen closely and come up with the next word as quickly as you can, and so on. [1] X Research source
However, remember that the best comebacks are created in the moment, not rehashed from similar circumstances in the past. Use this exercise for inspiration and practice, not as a source for specific comebacks.
The trick behind witty comebacks is speed. Don’t analyze the ramifications of what has just been said; instead treat it like the game it is and the insult merely becomes a shuttle to be hit back. For instance, if someone ends an insult with “and you smell, too," don’t mull over your hygiene routine while formulating a response. Focus strictly on the words and come back with something like “Yes, but at least my stink will shower off, unlike your rancid personality. "
Seize the opportunity to point out any contradictions the other person makes while trying to show off their wit. Doing so usually devalues an insult in the eyes of the insulter. However, don’t pick something apart for longer than you need to. If you get into a long-winded reply, they might interrupt you with another comeback, thereby making what you were saying irrelevant. For example, if they say you’re not worth their time to insult, reply “Well, I’m glad to hear you weren’t actually trying to insult me the past five minutes. "
Remember that sarcasm also involves good timing and proper tone of voice. Think of Severus Snape in the Harry Potter series or Oscar Wilde, both good practitioners of sarcasm that is pulled off succinctly and effectively. Use sarcasm playfully, not to cut someone to the core. Consider your opponent and whether they’re equipped to see sarcasm for what it is and not take it too personally. [5] X Research source For instance: “Oh, that last insult was so close to making sense. Please keep trying. "
It’s up to you whether you change the topic, walk away to resume conversing with this person another time, or pretend they’re not even there anymore. The key thing is to have the upper hand before you move on. Don’t just walk away in the middle of being insulted, because it suggests you can’t take it. However, you can stand up for yourself if necessary by saying: “I’ll come back when your tantrum is over so we can get back to trading insults. " That puts the onus on your opponent to behave more appropriately and gives you a dignified exit.
Think of it like stepping to the plate against the other team’s ace pitcher. Don’t focus on whether or not he’s a jerk; calmly focus on the ball and driving it into the gap for the game-winning hit. Practice looking perfectly calm, even amused or bemused, in front of a mirror. Even if you’re extremely angry on the inside, on the outside, you are calm – tell yourself this and your thoughts will respond in kind.
Have a look at the masters of quick-witted comebacks, such as Dorothy Parker, Winston Churchill, Mark Twain, Mae West, George Bernard Shaw, Groucho Marx, Oscar Wilde, Margaret Thatcher, and so forth. [7] X Research source Read the witty exchanges between such people as Ernest Hemingway and William Faulkner, or George Bernard Shaw and Winston Churchill. Even the exchanges between Han and Leia in Star Wars will do it. Here is a handy example from one of the best sources, Groucho Marx: “I’ve had a great evening, but this wasn’t it. "
“Thank you for proving my point. " “Light travels faster than sound; that’s why you appeared bright until you spoke. " Lean against something, close your eyes and wait a few seconds, then suddenly open your eyes and say “Oh! Sorry! Were you saying anything important just then? I must have dozed off”. “You and I have so much in common at times, don’t we?” Use this for an insult about your weight, appearance, intelligence, etc. “Pardon? Sorry I didn’t quite catch that. Would you care to repeat it?” (An insult is never as effective the second time around. ) “Takes one to know one. " This one might seem “played out” by now, but it can still be used in a pinch when you’re out of ideas. If someone is repeating the same insult over and over, use this: “Still clinging to the same idea? Try something more. . . original. " Then do a little smile and walk away.
For instance: “Next time you speak, use actual words” can be pretty innocuous in many situations, but may also be more hurtful to some people. A witty comeback should have some “bite,” but it shouldn’t leave a lasting mark. Or: “I won’t waste my breath burning you; I might not even waste my breath if you were actually burning. " This one might work with someone who knows you well, but could also get you in hot water. Even vague jokes about violence are not taken lightly by many.
Practice raising an eyebrow, smirking, rolling your eyes, or using some other gesture that displays a lack of being impressed. Yawn and look at your watch hungrily. Admittedly, this one’s a bit on the childish side: repeat exactly what has been said, but in a funny voice. To avoid coming off like a cranky kindergartener, you might want to practice with a willing friend.
Speak your witty comeback clearly, quickly, and with confidence. Include a slight smile in your voice and eyes, because you need to veer to the funnier, humorous side of what is happening to be a successful wit.
However, your opponent’s swearing can definitely be used as a target of your wit, such as making a biting comment or saying in a monotone: “Oh, you’re swearing now? How mature,” and leaving it at that.
If you must name-call, stick to their argument rather than them. For example, say “That’s a very odd way to see the situation,” rather than “You’re an idiot. " Or try “Well, I’m now thoroughly convinced of your ignorance in the matter” instead of “You’re so ignorant. ”
Responding along the lines of “Yes, I used to have that same problem in school . . . preschool, that is” can take on more or less of a snobbish air depending upon the context and your delivery. It is hard to walk the fine line between being witty and snobbish, but the key factor is to retain your sense of humor and see the triviality of the situation.
Perhaps it’s your intent to teach such a person a lesson. But at least do consider the consequences of demolishing a verbal opponent who is likely to fly into a sulk, funk, or rage as a result. On the other hand, if they’re being a complete jerk, then perhaps it is the lesson they need regardless of their weak armor.
Perhaps it’s your intent to teach such a person a lesson. But at least do consider the consequences of demolishing a verbal opponent who is likely to fly into a sulk, funk, or rage as a result. On the other hand, if they’re being a complete jerk, then perhaps it is the lesson they need regardless of their weak armor.
Say something like “I really like the way you kicked the ball the other day, but I didn’t appreciate your attitude following the game. I felt I had no choice but to put your bad mood in its place. I hope you’ll forgive my direct approach. "
Refuse to permit their words to become any more than just words, and get on with your day in the knowledge that you have maintained your dignity, spoken with integrity and intelligence, and respected yourself and the other person.
