Try making a list of everything you do each day. Start with the first thing you do when you wake up, and work your way through a typical day until you reach the last thing you do before bed. Include things you do that you may not consciously think of as a habit. Even isolated activities can quickly become part of a routine or habit.
Every action has a motivation, whether it’s conscious or not. Before you can change bad habits, you’ll need to figure out why you engage in that habit. Be honest with yourself, and ask if maintaining that habit is allowing you to avoid something unpleasant or if it has evolved as an unproductive way of coping with something. For instance, you may bite your nails when you experience anxiety; this bad habit may actually be your coping mechanism for that feeling.
In order to replace negative behavior, you must come up with a positive substitute. Instead of mindlessly eating to avoid dealing with feelings of sadness, acknowledge the way you’re feeling and try talking to someone about it. Search online for a qualified therapist near you, or ask your primary care doctor for a referral to a therapist who can help you deal with difficult emotions or situations in your life.
Instead of seeking status and money (which can be important, of course), focus on finding a job that challenges you and gives you some degree of responsibility. This will help you grow and better yourself with long-term results. [6] X Research source Do something you enjoy, or spend time with people you care about, every day. This will help you remember that you can create the future you want for yourself. [7] X Research source
Specific — Your goal should have a concrete outline, motivation, and plan. Measurable — Each goal should have a clearly-stated result and a way of measuring success along the way. Achievable — Working towards your goal should be challenging, but ultimately realistic and achievable. Results-focused — Your goal should measure specific outcomes and results, rather than just measuring actions. Focus on goals that allow you to see concrete results, and work hard until you see those results. Time-bound — The timeline for achieving your goals should be compact enough to create a sense of urgency and motivation, but realistic enough to allow for inevitable complications or slip-ups.
Having a concrete goal to work towards and being reminded of that goal on a regular basis tends to make people happier, regardless of their current circumstances. [10] X Research source Look at your written goals as often as you need to. This is an important step in working towards your goals and can help keep you motivated along the way.
See little victories in everything you do. Even if you suffer a loss, like losing your business, see it as a victory in its own right: you’re no longer shackled to the business, and you’re free to start over however you want.
If your friends or colleagues do not support your efforts to better yourself, you may want to seek out like-minded people who will support you. You can turn to individual people for support, or a larger community. Don’t be afraid to seek support from colleagues, people in your church (if you’re religious), or even people in your community.
Start out by having extended conversations with one or two people you know well and with who you are comfortable. Then build up to conversing with a small group of people you know. Once you start to feel really comfortable talking with others, you can begin practicing your conversation skills with people you don’t know that well.
Take note of the structure of conversations you observe. Is one person predominantly talking, or is it a back-and-forth dialogue? How do topics come up in conversation: do they arise naturally in the course of talking about other things, or are they introduced abruptly? Perhaps some combination of the two? Pay attention to body language as well. Do people who are talking together stand close together or far apart? Do they make eye contact, or do they seem distracted? Watch as many people as you can in as many varied environments as possible. This will help give you better insight into how people carry on conversations and interact with one another.
Practice listening. Whatever you’re talking about with others, listen to what the other person is saying and make it a conversation. Take an interest in what the person says, and ask follow-up questions to show you are engaged.
Always say “please” and “thank you” when you interact with others. People notice good manners and generally find politeness a desirable quality in others. Practicing good manners can sometimes hide insecurity or uncertainty, and can help you appear and feel more comfortable while you interact with others.
Think about what your motivations are for turning a new leaf. Do you want to change for yourself, or for others? Why does change matter to you?
If you can’t commit to doing it for yourself, commit to succeeding for someone else’s sake: a proud parent, a supportive partner, or a caring friend. No matter what you have to do, make yourself a promise that you will not give up.
If you are trying to overcome a trauma from your past but feel stuck in moving forward and progressing, counseling can be extremely helpful and is often necessary. Learning to deal with negative thoughts, stop ruminating, and overcome failure can be extremely helpful in letting go of a difficult past.
Change one behavior at a time. Work on really improving one aspect of your life before moving on to the next aspect of your life. If you try to change everything at once, it may feel like nothing is improving. [18] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
