Appropriate settings for flirting vary depending on factors like age, community, and religion. If you’re a high school student, for example, you may see flirting at school. Your crush is more likely to flirt with you in the hall between classes, though, than in the middle of history class. Don’t assume that someone is flirting with you just because you’re in a social setting. If someone at a bar says “hello,” while waiting for their group, they may be acting friendly, not amorous. Rely on more than just the venue to determine if an interaction is flirtatious.
Never assume that someone is saying something with body language that they aren’t saying directly to you. If they say, “Please leave,” listen to them, no matter what you think they are saying with their body language.
Think about why someone may be flirting with you in that moment. There’s always the possibility that they fancy you, but are there any other conspicuous reasons they are talking to you? Say, for example, you’re at the store and your grocery cart is blocking the aisle. Someone flashes you a big smile and asks you to move your cart, then giggles and thanks you when you do. This seems flirtatious, and it may be because they’re interested in you, but it may also be that they find it easier to be friendly than confrontational in these scenarios.
In murky situations, such as developing feelings for a close friend, it’s best not to rely on flirting or subtle signs. Speak to that person directly or decide not to address the matter at all. Flirting is easy to misconstrue, and can complicate established relationships.
Don’t assume someone is flirting with you. People are only about 27% accurate when it comes to guessing if someone is flirting with them. Unless someone makes their intentions clear and conspicuous, it’s safest to assume they’re not flirting. [7] X Research source
If you are in a position of power over them If they have previously expressed that they’re not interested in you If they are already in a relationship If you work with them in a professional capacity If they are experiencing emotional distress If you are trying to manipulate them
Don’t stare at the person and don’t stop yourself from blinking. The idea is to let the other person know that they are your focus, not to scare or intimidate them.
You want this person to think that you are being friendly to them, but not overly so. They may feel awkward if you give them a level of attention they feel you wouldn’t give to someone else. For all they should know, you’re this friendly to everyone. If this is your first conversation with that person, cut it off while you still have 1-2 talking points in your head. You want to leave them interested in learning more about you. This is difficult to do if you talk until you have nothing more to say.
Try not to touch someone without their consent, even if you are sitting close to them. While small touches can be a sign of flirting, they can also be a huge personal violation. If you want to touch someone, even if it’s on the hand or arm, always ask first.
Ultimately, only the person against whom the action was perpetrated can determine if it is harassment. If someone touched you on the knee and wrote it off as “harmless flirting,” but it made you feel uncomfortable, it’s harassment. Likewise, if you continue to flirt with someone after they tell you they’re not interested, you’ve moved into harassment. They’re not playing hard to get, and you are now pursuing them against their will.
If someone is bullying you under the premise of being attracted to you or trying to flirt, report them right away.
Who the person is will determine who you report them to. If it’s your boss, for example, you may need to start by going to your HR department. If it’s your doctor, you may need to report them to their overseeing medical board.
