Once you take the time to identify how you feel, it will be easier to figure out what you have control over in the situation. [2] X Expert Source Dawn Smith-CamachoCareer & Life Coach Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.
For example, if they use an aggressive tone of voice that reminds you of a family member, remind yourself that it isn’t necessarily this particular individual that annoys you. Rather, it is the experience of being addressed with an aggressive tone of voice. If they tend to arrive to meetings in a haphazard or disorderly fashion that annoys you, consider whether this behavior reminds you of other individuals you have had trouble with in the past. Remind yourself that it is the behavior that annoys you and that the individual may have other redeeming qualities. [3] X Research source Also, keep in mind that we all have triggers. Certain things the person says and does may trigger you and cause you to react in a negative way. Try to become more aware of your triggers.
If the individual is disorganized and always arrives late to meetings, consider whether your dislike of this behavior relates to any of your own experiences of being disorganized or late. If the individual speaks with an aggressive or mean tone of voice, consider whether your dislike for them relates to any personal experiences with anger or aggression.
If your expectations are based on what you want your ideal colleague to be able to accomplish instead of the actual skillset of your colleague, you may have to adjust your expectations. If your former colleague was highly responsive on email and your new colleague tends to be slow, you may have to adjust your expectations and anticipate a longer response time. Try focusing on what you can control. For instance, if one of your coworkers simply frustrates you, you might try reacting to them less, or spending less time with them. Then, figure out what that would look like in a real way. [7] X Expert Source Dawn Smith-CamachoCareer & Life Coach Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.
Practices like meditation, breathing exercises, and gratitude journaling can help you shift your thinking towards a more positive mindset. [9] X Expert Source Dawn Smith-CamachoCareer & Life Coach Expert Interview. 13 May 2020. You can use a meditation application such as Calm or Headspace. These medication apps allow you to design short meditation sessions and give you mediation instruction. You can download them on your smart phone and use them at home or at work. [10] X Research source
Avoid giving them your personal cell phone number. If they ask you for your personal cell phone number, you could say: “Sorry, I actually prefer to use my work number. You can call me there and I’ll answer as soon as I can. You can also contact me on email. Hope you understand. ” Tell them you are only comfortable talking about work related matters and that personal topics are off limits. If they invite you to the bar after work, you might say: “Sorry, I have a prior engagement this evening. I also like to keep my work life separate from my personal time. Hope you can understand. ”
You might try moving a few meetings so that you have one day a week when you don’t have to interact with them at all.
If you are forced to attend the same event, prepare yourself in advance by doing some relaxation activities such as deep breathing or meditation.
If they have an annoying trait such as a loud or obnoxious voice, you might try saying: “It would really help me if you were able to use a calm tone of voice in the meeting this week. Sometimes you have a loud voice and I find it a bit unnecessary, so if you can just tone it down a bit, it would really help me. Thanks so much. ” If they have an annoying problem with staying on time, you might try telling them: “I really need to get home on time today. If you don’t mind, can we start the meeting on time this week so I can get home to my family. We have an important evening that I do not want to miss. ”
If they have a tendency to interrupt you and others at meetings, you might try saying: “I’ve noticed you have a tendency to interrupt myself and others at our weekly meetings. I know you don’t mean to do this. However, it makes it difficult for people to finish what they are saying and can disrupt our conversations. It would be really great if you could work on your listening skills and try not to disrupt myself or others at our meetings. ”
Take them aside after a meeting and tell them you forgive them. If you feel unable to forgive them, try practicing in front of a mirror.
If it is an old relationship, try saying: “I know things have been difficult in the past, but let’s try to put that aside for the time being and really focus on getting this project right. I think we could try staying on schedule more often and really attending to client needs. What are some things you think might help?”
